Wednesday, October 14, 2009
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hmm something is wrong with me, been sleeping too much and waking up really late. gotta fix myself, and this weird sleeping pattern. Ok i gotta set today to be a productive day for my studies, and also to be focused on God. taking it one step at a time.
2 tim 2
8 Remember that Jesus Christ, of the seed of David, was raised from the dead according to my gospel, 9 for which I suffer trouble as an evildoer, even to the point of chains; but the word of God is not chained.
it's great to know that though many times i get chained or restricted by things around me, situations, circumstances, or even words that people say..the word of God that we run with and hold onto is not chained. My body is physical, and the world i live in is physical, but what we aim for is something spiritual and it cannot be bound by the things of our time. So although its common for me to fail, it is totally impossible for the word to fail. It's just a great reminder that we who are weak have something firm and solid to hold onto, something that we can rely on and knowing that it is always be there, staying the same no matter what may happen here on this earth. His word is our hope that keeps us going.. May that be the case for me too.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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rawr its been a while, and i've been pretty lazy. dont really have an excuse anymore since all my assignments are done and i shouldn't be sleeping at weird hours in the morning. Just to add to my sorta journal i guess on things to thank God for and what He's done in my life over the past week, one of them is my subjects for next year at uni where i was worried i won't be able to graduate by end of next year because sometimes courses are only offered in semester1 or semester 2 only. and basically that could have held me back for another year and would have me into lots of trouble. So thank God that my subjects for next year is all looking fine. Then Ps Ardian and his family came over, although it seems like ages away it was actually just the weekend before, and he gave me stuff to think about again, but overall was really refreshing and encouraging so praise God.
Just to add something else, my mind has been pretty uneasy and all these thoughts keep popping into my head, i dont know if they're good or bad, or if they're meant to tell me something. Sometimes it feels that yup everything is fine and will work out, but then sometimes it just becomes a complete mess and it leaves me lost and confused. Then i have the occasional 'lets plan for the future', and realise that there's a high chance that i won't be here for very long, so i start to weigh options and think to myself, whats the point? But at the end of the day, it's all up to God and whatever He has planned for my life. I pray that i can keep focused on my work at hand, and not getting caught up in things which i shouldnt be involved in.. trying to cut all emotional bonds so that i won't get too emotionally attached, it'l probably for the best.
2 Timothy 2
1 You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 3 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.
I asked myself how can i be strong in the grace? no idea, but being strong is what i definitely need to be now because exams are coming up! must not be entangled in affairs of this life because it will easily weigh me down..and yes i must aim to be entwined with Christ, Ps catherine shared that and it has been on my mind ever since.
feels like im lost in transition, stuck between seasons.. i need some direction!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
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yup, i've come to the conclusion that i need to get brainwashed by the Word of God. That's probably like the only way i will ever live my life God's way or even be like the 'perfect' Christian. For me to move forward and live out my destiny, the one thing that must happen first is for God really to be in control of not just my life, but to be in control of everything. In the daily choices i make, the words that i speak, thoughts that go through my mind, and things that i just do at every second of the day. I rather be a zombie that fulfils and be all that God wants me to be, than to be my fleshly self who gets to do everything my way, and at the end of the day getting no where.
What i find interesting is that God gave us a freedom of choice to allow us to choose how we want to live our life, basically two ways to live. But what comes after that is a million other little daily choices on how we live our life that ultimately depends which path we really choose to walk down. I've never been good with making decisions, and one reason would be that there's a high possibility that the decisions i make are never the best ones available, sometimes even the worst.. So the question is, is it possible for me to not have this freedom of choice, and let God be the one who is in control of everything, be in control of everything? I find it easier accepting whatever gets thrown at me compared to me choosing the way I want to live.
God, don't let me be like Jonah who at the start ran away from Your calling.
1 Tim 2
3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
We know that it is God's desire for all to be saved, but we know that it is not possible too. because it is said in Matthew 24:9-11[NIV]
9"Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.
There will be a great falling away, this is what Jesus had said of His second coming..We are working towards making His name sound through all the earth, but still, in the end, we will be hated, and persecuted, and many will turn against one another. That's a pretty big job to take on if you ask me, considering the outcome is one that will cause such sadness and grief.
Lord, give me strength to live this day, and help me forget not Heb 10:26!
Monday, September 28, 2009
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so i've been reeaaally lazy the past week, which isnt good at all., not forgetting the fact that its holidays and ive been sleeping at a muuch later time and waking up at an even later time, i gotta admit that it didnt really help me in my devotion at all. So no more of that this week as im gonna be more disciplined, and i also cant afford to waste much time as the work load seems to be piling up.
on saturday as i was working, i realised that one of the best things to do while working was to listen to sermons. not only did it take my mind of work and how boring it was, it became a time of just learning more of God through His Word, feeling His presence at my place of work, and for me a time of great conviction. my ipod shuffled it's way to the generation church conference '07, and i listened to sermons preached by people like Judah Smith, TD Jakes, and a few other really good preachers.
However there was this one preacher, who i couldn't even remember what he was preaching about, but there was just 1 thing he said which literally convicted me and struck fear in me. He made reference to Heb 10:26, which wasn't even his main topic, but something mentioned it as a passing statement.
Heb 10:26-29
26 For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace?
hmm running out of time, but v26 pretty much stared me in the face, and showed me how my whole life was just wrong..
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
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God this is so frustrating, and it hurts.. been such a fool. Don't even know what i should do anymore, but i just pray that the decisions and choices i make are the right ones..but there really isn't anything to lose anymore. It's serious time for change because my current self isn't getting my anywhere but getting caught up in the world, and its so pointless. I guess this is goodbye to myself, and it was nice knowing me..
I think for me it was meant to be this way, the battles i fight are battles for one, because God you are all i need. My life, in your hands, once again.
2 Thess 2
13 But we are bound to give thanks to God always for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth, 14 to which He called you by our gospel, for the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. 15 Therefore, brethren, stand fast and hold the traditions which you were taught, whether by word or our epistle.
16 Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, 17 comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.
Thank you Lord for bringing me this far, and I know that you've been with me in every step of my life. Thank you for choosing me, believing in me, and calling me to your side. Help me to stand fast upon your word, and the truth that is in you, that i may overcome any obstacle, barrier or wall that stands in my way. You are my Father, King, Shepard, Saviour, Redeemer, Lord, and above all, my best friend. In you alone do I find peace, comfort, shelter, refuge, and joy which is my strength. So lead me Lord on this path of righteousness, maturing me through the trials and testing, that ultimately I can bring glory to Your name.
leaving the past and all that it held, behind..
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
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God i pray that you'll give me strength to live this life, perseverance to run this race, and faith to do it your way. Lord give me a resolution that is tougher than any metal, not falling behind getting lost anymore.. No matter what the cost, i will go for you
Friday, September 11, 2009
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is life just this one big masquerade party? there always seems to be so much more than what meets the eye.. pushing it or shrugging things off don't seem to work for me, i can't keep fooling myself and expect everything to be the way we see it to be.
Need God to give me some direction, or wisdom!
To see beyond the physical and into the spiritual, because that's what we're all about..
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